


New Horizons

by dustbottle



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Basically, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Leonard McCoy and Jim Kirk are both Idiots, M/M, Mentions of Injuries, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 19:37:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6091828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustbottle/pseuds/dustbottle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy, MD, PhD, is pretty damn certain about most of the important things in his life. Positive. Absolutely 100% sure. That is, until Jim gets badly injured on an away mission, and Leonard’s world suddenly turns upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Horizons

**Author's Note:**

> Characters not mine. Obviously.  
> Timeline: AOS, about halfway through the first five year mission of the USS Enterprise. Only difference with canon is that the whole Khan thing didn’t happen in this story. You get to decide for yourself if it didn’t happen YET, or will never happen at all. Fun, right?

Leonard McCoy, MD, PhD, was pretty damn certain about most of the important things in his life.

One, joining Starfleet in a momentary fit of insanity was simultaneously the best and the worst thing he had ever done. A considerable amount of bourbon mingled with good old-fashioned desperation had been involved in the decision, and Leonard had never once looked back.

Two, James Tiberius Kirk was the single most annoying person ever to grace Leonard with his presence. He was obnoxious and loud, overconfident to the point of arrogance, brash and impertinent and irresponsible, and he got himself into more trouble than should be humanly possible seemingly by sheer willpower alone.

Three, the aforementioned James Tiberius Kirk was also hands down the best friend Leonard had ever had. He was loyal and intuitive and kind, his heart the only thing bigger than his ego. Smart as a whip, too – aced all his classes back at the Academy, and with an ease that made many of his fellow cadets turn faintly green with envy. A golden boy with the heart of a lion, he was brave beyond belief – ready to defend his ship and his crew with everything he had and more, his customary recklessness and tendency to leap without looking completely forgotten when faced with danger to his people. He made a truly fantastic Captain.

Four, for all that Leonard grumbled and groused about being CMO to a bunch of infants and careless hooligan halfwits, serving on the USS Enterprise under Captain James T. Kirk was an honour and a privilege. He wouldn’t change it for the world – even though the suffocating black stillness of space still quickened his breath and haunted his dreams.

Those were the truths Leonard would more or less willingly own up to, at least in the blessed solitude of his own mind. And on most days, he managed to leave it at that – managed to stop his thoughts from straying any further and entering truly uncomfortable territory. Most days.

“Hey Bones. Bones. _Bo-ooones_! Guess who it is?!”

A strong hand to his shoulder. A familiar voice sparking with affection. The warmth of another body, definitely closer than was strictly professional. He wasn’t surprised. Jim had never had any regard for his privacy or personal space, after all. Why start now?

“What do you want, Jim?”

He was tired beyond belief, his shift having just ended after nearly fourteen hours of non-stop action. A ship-wide outbreak of the Kamaraazite flu had kept his medical crew extremely busy for nearly two weeks now, and it didn’t look like the pressure would let up anytime soon.

“Aw, Bones, come on. You know you love me.”

Most days, the promise Leonard had made to himself held steady. Most days, but not all. He could feel his resolve begin to waver as his breath caught in his chest, sheer exhaustion making quick work of the barriers he had so carefully and painstakingly put up.

(Five, Leonard Horatio McCoy had been in love with his best friend for longer than he cared to remember.)

“Rough day, old man?”

The amusement was clear in Jim’s warm voice, but hidden underneath was a faint trace of real concern. Jim didn’t like it when any of his crew worked themselves into the ground, and he especially didn’t like it when Leonard did.

Leonard didn’t bother to open his eyes as he replied.

“Some of us have actual work to do instead of sitting around all day, _Captain_.”

He could almost _hear_ the pout as Jim exclaimed in indignation and punched him in the shoulder, the movement carefully controlled but still forceful enough to smart a little.

(Six, he could and would not risk the friendship he and Jim had built over the years. Not ever. Not for anything. Least of all his own damaged and traitorous heart.)

Leonard finally looked up to find Jim studying him intently, the Captain’s clear blue eyes roving over him as if ascertaining for himself that the doctor was still in one piece. Leonard tried not to fidget under the close scrutiny, desperately willing himself not to start blushing like some damn pre-teen with a crush.

“Hey, you want some coffee? My quarters. I got the good stuff. Captain’s privileges.”

The accompanying wink was cocky and over the top, typical Jim, and Leonard couldn’t suppress his snort even as he rolled his eyes. He missed the fondness in the crinkles of his best friend’s smile as he got up and stretched his back with a grunt.

“This better be some damn good coffee if you’re dragging me halfway across the ship for it, kid. I’m beat.”

Jim didn’t even bother to reply beyond a huffing sound and a nonchalant wave of his hand, turning on his heel and striding out of Leonard’s office as if it was his own.

Had it been anyone else, the easy assumption of leadership would have annoyed him to no end, but not so with Jim. Never so with Jim. Lord knows the kid could be stubborn and thick-headed and downright infuriating, oftentimes without even trying very hard, but this? This was just how they were – what they did and had done for years.

Leonard bitched and grumbled and complained, his cynical outlook on life and his fondness for bitingly acerbic commentary only increased after his bitter divorce, but he still chose to follow Jim’s bright star to infinity and beyond, fixing him up as they went. Jim dreamed and enthused and evaded, his own set of issues buried deep enough beneath the brilliant shine of his exterior that hardly anyone ever bothered to look, and he never left Leonard behind.

They were friends.

It was more than Leonard could have hoped for upon arriving at the Academy a mere shadow of his old self six years ago, nothing to his name but his medical degree and a lifetime supply of disillusionment and regret.

Jim had not been much better off, for all that his cocky confidence and easy demeanour seemed to fool most people. The jagged cracks beneath his façade were well-hidden, but they were many and ran deep. Some of them Leonard knew about, the secret of their existence gleaned from snippets of drunken and half-remembered conversation or entrusted to him in whispers under the cover of darkness after a nightmare. Of others he had barely scratched the surface. Tarsus IV, _Jesus._

So. Friends they had become, and friends they had been ever since, and Leonard knew that the both of them needed that trust and easy familiarity more than anything else. And if from time to time he had caught Jim watching him with a little more heat in his gaze than was strictly appropriate, he had chosen to ignore it. Jim was attracted to most people (and they to him, generally speaking), but it never lasted long. The mutual spark of attraction was undeniably there, but it wasn’t worth the risk.

Leonard was pretty sure he could live like this. He had to. And he did.

He didn’t speak up, didn’t give in, and he was mostly content.

Until suddenly everything changed. And it was almost too late.

 

* * *

 

It was supposed to be an insignificant away mission – just a scouting trip to the surface of a newly discovered, desolate, uninhabited planet. Routine.

It wasn’t.

It never was. Leonard really should have learned by now.

Fucking Starfleet.

_Fucking Starfleet._

 

* * *

 

Leonard knew it was bad before he even got to the transporter bay, the edge of panic in Uhura’s normally smooth voice enough to make his heartrate spike with anxiety. He took off running before she had finished relaying the call-up and tore down the ship’s hallways at breakneck speed, his most competent medical personnel in hot pursuit and his emergency medkit clutched in rigid hands.

He knew it was bad, but he still wasn’t prepared.

He had seen worse, he tried to tell himself over the ringing in his ears as he surveyed the scene before him. And that was true, he had – in medical textbooks on autopsies, mostly. For a truly heart-stopping moment, all he could do was stare in mute horror.

It was complete chaos. Everyone was a mess, protective biosuits torn to shreds and large patches of skin ripped away haphazardly, rivulets of blood and what looked like muddy water leaking everywhere and rapidly slickening the floor around the transporter pad. Several members of the landing party appeared to be unconscious while others were crying out in a mixture of pain and naked fear, voices hoarse and eyes wide and unseeing, broken hands still outstretched to ward off some unknown and terrible foe.

Leonard forced himself to take a deep breath, then another, feeling his head clear by increments as the cacophony of panicked voices started getting through to him and clinical instinct finally kicked in.

Jim was the worst off, because of course he was, and Leonard cursed violently under his breath as he took in the severity of his state. Barking out orders for Chapel and her team to take care of the other injured members of the landing party and transport them to medbay, he rushed over to Jim and crouched down next to his head.

“Jim. Jim, can you hear me?”

Even though he was prepared for it, he could still feel his heart sink infinitesimally when he received no reply. Jim didn’t move or make a sound, his normally piercing eyes remaining stubbornly closed, and a vicious curl of white-hot panic slithered down Leonard’s spine at the plain _wrongness_ of the sight. He barely allowed himself a second before gritting his teeth and resolutely tamping down on the glowing kernels of desperation burning a hole through his chest. He set to work with determination blazing in his bones.

It was bad – it was really, really bad. Jim was still breathing, but barely, and his pulse fluttered weakly against Leonard’s palpating fingers. Dark red blood trickled sluggishly from countless deep cuts and lacerations and pooled onto the floor, and more than a few major bones were visibly fractured. Cursing under his breath, Leonard got out his medical tricorder and started scanning, eyes widening and heart sinking more with every new reading.

Open book pelvic fracture. Radial head dislocation. Splenic rupture. Kidney contusion. Numerous vascular disruptions. Pneumothorax. Occipital skull fracture. Acute subdural hematoma. Multiple shattered ribs. The list just kept growing.

“Dammit, Jim, come _on_ -” The words were low and broken and out of his mouth before he realized he was speaking, and he winced at the rawness of his own shredded voice. But, really, _really_ – Jim hadn’t even been supposed to beam down with the landing party this time, damn it all to hell, because it was meant to be an insignificant scouting mission and he was the fucking _Captain_ , as much as he sometimes seemed to hate acting like one – and now he’d gone and gotten himself _killed_ , or close enough to it, and Leonard could do much but not everything, and he couldn’t do this without Jim, he couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t, he didn’t know _how_ -

Fortunately, the frantic and increasingly desperate thoughts racing each other through Leonard’s mind did nothing to distract him from his task, and as time blurred around him he worked with a single-minded focus, mending where he could and stabilising where he couldn’t. Gradually, Jim’s condition started moving away from “critical” to “serious but stable”. Exhaling shakily for what felt like the first time in hours, Leonard moved to alert medical transport when a faint sound stopped him in his tracks, so weak he almost missed it.

“ _Bones…”_

Leonard’s hands stilled in shock, his mind suddenly and blissfully blank. All he could do was watch as Jim’s blue eyes fluttered open and unerringly focused on him, dark lashes trembling over the pale skin of his cheeks. It was the most beautiful thing Leonard thought he’d ever seen. Golden-pure relief crashed over him like a wave breaking on the shore, and he suddenly felt a lot like crying. Instead he leant down and replied, voice low and private and soft.

“I’m here, Jimmy. Try not to move, I’m transporting us to medbay.”

He reached out to tentatively touch Jim’s cheek, taking care to avoid the worst of the bruises already starting to bloom under his skin, and Jim sighed shakily against his hand. Leonard noted that the vibrant blue of his radiant eyes was largely obscured by the utter black of his pupils, an involuntary reaction to the pain. He had to stop himself from immediately grabbing for a hypo when Jim swallowed thickly and spoke again, his soft voice barely more than an exhalation.

“ _…Hurts_ …”

Leonard’s heart broke. Jim sounded almost childlike like this, lost and strangely vulnerable, all his usual bravado buried under a mixture of pain and confusion and fear. Leonard’s hands lingered a little more than necessary, maintaining physical contact and providing silent comfort the only way he knew how, trying to ground Jim and keep him awake as he made arrangements for their transport.

“Don’t worry, Jim, I’ve got you.”

It was essentially an empty promise, and Leonard knew it. He had done all he could here and Jim was stable enough for the moment, but the future was still maddeningly, darkly, desperately uncertain. If he forced himself to be honest, Leonard knew that had it been anyone else lying here and injured this gravely, he would have been deeply pessimistic. Point was, this wasn’t anyone else, this was _Jim_ – and if there was anything everyone knew about James Tiberius Kirk, it was that he never backed down from a fight, no matter how improbable the odds or how gruelling the competition. Leonard could only hope and pray that it would be enough.

“Y’always do, Bones…”

It was barely a sigh, the words quiet and blurred around the edges, and before they were even out completely Jim closed his eyes again, drifting off and looking for all the world almost _content_. A rush of something warm and tender and frighteningly real flooded Leonard at the sight, choking and engulfing and submerging him, overwhelming him completely – and suddenly it was impossible to hold back the love and devotion trying to bleed through. Too scared and exhausted to fight anymore, Leonard bit back a sob as he crouched next to Jim and held his broken body in hands that felt sharp like fire and brittle like stone.

His discarded PADD beeped once with an oncoming message, but before Leonard could move to read it, the carefully detached voice of the comm officer on duty interjected to announce their upcoming medical transport. And when the confines of the room started to shimmer and shift around them and a cocoon of silvery light wrapped them tightly together and blurred out the rest, Leonard just focused on Jim. He had always hated beaming, but he forgot to feel nervous as they dissolved.

 

* * *

 

The quality that had always staggered Leonard the most about Jim, more than his easy genius or his steadfast loyalty or even the sheer size of his ego, was his ability to bounce back. From anything. In record time. The more he got to know the kid, the more he realized it was survival instinct of the purest kind, but that didn’t make it any less impressive. Hell, if anything, it made it more so.

This time was no exception.

Jim was awake before the day was out, though still woozy and in a more than significant amount of pain. Within three days he was lucid enough to discuss the specifics and relative merits of different types of warp core ejection systems with a very enthusiastic Scotty, at least until Leonard interrupted and swiftly and unapologetically kicked the chief engineer out. The one week mark found Jim out of bed and on his feet, pale and slightly shaky but mulishly determined, wheedling and pleading relentlessly for permission to visit the bridge, and sulking rather pitifully when Leonard wouldn’t budge. After two weeks, Jim was kicking up enough of a fuss that even the ever-calm-and-collected Chapel looked about ready to commit mutiny and strangle the Captain with her bare hands.

After two weeks and one day, it was unanimously decided that for the benefit of everyone involved, Jim would be allowed to recuperate further in the quiet and privacy of his own quarters, under the watchful eye of his CMO and private physician, Leonard H. McCoy.

 

* * *

 

Before Leonard knew it, Jim had recovered enough to return to duty. Even knowing Jim the way that he did, his progress had been astounding to witness. Jim’s steely determination and absolute refusal to back down had carried him through weeks of endless mending and painkillers and brutal physical therapy with barely any setbacks and truly excellent results.

Leonard might have had something to do with his fast recovery, too, though he didn’t tend to dwell on it. Oh, he knew he was a damn good doctor – after all, he hadn’t become the youngest CMO in Starfleet history for nothing. It was just – his skills would have meant nothing if not for Jim’s iron-clad spine and blatant defiance of even the _possibility_ of death or defeat, and Leonard still lost sleep thinking about all the things that could have gone wrong.

He didn’t tell Jim about that. Of course he didn’t – he couldn’t put that guilt on his friend’s shoulders as well, not alongside everything he already carried.

He didn’t tell Jim about the other thing, either. He forced down his frantic memories of bloodied hands and rasping breaths and halting words and aching hearts by any means he knew. He drank more than he probably should, more than he had in years. He threw himself into his work with tireless and almost fanatical dedication. He started up several new research projects that kept him busy at the lab late into the night.

He avoided Jim as much as he could – he didn’t mean to, didn’t want to, but the sparks of memory got worse when Jim was near, harder to ignore, and this was the only way Leonard knew how to cope.

It wasn’t ideal, but it was okay. It was… manageable.

Life went on.

So why couldn’t he?

 

* * *

 

Things came to a head quite unexpectedly.

Leonard returned to his quarters just before the ship’s midnight, having finally finished at the lab after working the full eight hours of alpha shift down in sickbay. All in all, he thought it had been a rather successful day. Despite his fellow crewmembers’ incomprehensible and annoyingly persistent habit of getting into every kind of trouble imaginable, his medical bay was currently almost deserted. All remaining patients were doing well and expected to make full recoveries. Leonard’s research on the possible pharmaceutical pathways for lungworm prophylaxis was also coming along nicely, though he was having trouble mustering up the appropriate level of enthusiasm for it.

If he was being honest, the subject practically bored him to tears – but right now, anything was better than being alone with his treacherous thoughts. Best to stay busy.

He didn’t realize he wasn’t alone in his quarters until he reached for his bourbon and a very familiar voice came from the non-regulation armchair right next to him and nearly gave him a stroke.

“May as well pour me one, too.”

Leonard resolutely did _not_ yelp. He did, however, break out into a cold sweat and curse colourfully as his heart screeched to a momentary stop inside his chest. He also spared a fleeting grateful thought for the fact that he hadn’t thrown off his pants as soon as he’d gotten inside, as he was wont to do.

“Jesus Christ, Jim! Warn a man, why don’t you?”

“Figured you’d realize someone was here when you found your door open.”

Huh. Leonard blinked owlishly, feeling wrong-footed and out of his element. He hadn’t even noticed his door wasn’t closed – he must be more tired than he’d realized. Deciding not to pursue the thread of conversation further, Leonard just grunted non-committally as he grabbed the bourbon and two glasses and sat down opposite Jim.

Jim who was openly staring at him, eyes searching and electric blue and clouded with some unknown emotion. Leonard swallowed with difficulty and looked away, breath hitching painfully in his throat as he struggled for something to say. The initial adrenalin rush had died down and his racing pulse had calmed into something resembling normal, but along with his composure returned his tense hyperawareness and the wordless, helpless depth of his feelings and all the reasons that _this was not good at all, oh no, this was a very, very bad idea, dammit_.

Jim wasn’t stupid – in fact, he was a certified genius, and his emotional intelligence was off the charts too. If Leonard gave him too much time to figure it out, he would, and that _really_ couldn’t happen –because Jim would either blow up at him or be far too understanding out of some misplaced sense of loyalty or duty or _pity_ , and Leonard wouldn’t be able to bear it. Forcing every ounce of normalcy that he could muster into his tone, he held out one of the tumblers in a hand that almost didn’t tremble.

“Well, come on, kid, it ain’t gonna drink it-”

“Why are you avoiding me, Bones?”

Shit. Too late.

For a single, wild-eyed second, Leonard wanted to deny it. He knew that wouldn’t work, though. Likely it would only piss Jim off. Besides, Leonard was a spectacularly crappy liar even on his best days – of which this wasn’t one.

“It’s nothing, Jim. Just busy with work is all.”

There. Not a lie. Not exactly, anyway.

Jim leaned forward in his chair, elbows on his knees and eyes intent. Leonard tried to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat at the sheer force behind that gaze. This time, he didn’t look away, and neither did Jim. They were silent as they measured each other up. Leonard’s heart sped up, beating out an erratic rhythm against his ribs as he held Jim’s gaze.

The silence stretched on, slow and thick with tension.

“Bull. Shit.”

The words were drawn-out, almost lazy, and one side of Jim’s mouth slowly quirked up into a smirk. As if this was a poker game and he had just shown his winning hand. As if he had managed to swindle and cheat his way through the Kobayashi Maru all over again. As if he had figured Leonard out, just like that, without even talking to him. As if Leonard’s mind was that fucking _easy_ to unravel, when Leonard had tried his absolute hardest to keep everything hidden. As if this was a _joke_.

It was that patented Kirk cockiness that finally jumpstarted Leonard’s temper, but at this point it was like holding a lighter to a cloud of flammable gas. Anything would have set him off.

The crackling tension snapped like an elastic band that had been stretched too far. It coiled tightly around Leonard, wrapping around him protectively as he spoke, voice low and quiet and dangerously measured.

“Fuck you, Jim. You have _no fucking idea_ what you’re talking about here. _None_ , you hear me? So kindly wipe that damn smirk off your face and back the hell off.”

His outburst took them both by surprise. Leonard saw Jim’s confident expression shutter for the barest of seconds, a myriad of emotions skittering past too fleetingly for him to make any sense of them, even if he’d wanted to. He quickly recovered, though. He always did. _He always did, always recovered, always regained his balance, even that time-_

“The hell, Bones? What the fuck’s gotten into you?”

Jim was getting angry now, too, voice hard and eyes spitting fire. Good. That was good. Easier, somehow. A clean break.

“Into _me_? Nothing, Jim. Absolutely nothing. I am A-Okay. Fucking _peachy_.”

“Oh, so it’s me? Enlighten me, then – what the fuck did I do to upset your delicate sensibilities this time? ‘Cause I sure as hell don’t have a fucking clue.”

Both of them were on their feet now, though Leonard couldn’t remember getting up. Jim was standing too close, crowding him against the far wall of his quarters, his solid form blocking his path, strong arm flung out to further prevent him from fleeing. They were both breathing hard, eyes glittering diamond-sharp and hearts pounding like drums of war.

For a tense second, neither moved as they squared off. Then Leonard looked at Jim, _really_ looked, and all the fight drained out of him in a whoosh. He was suddenly so bone-achingly tired that he stumbled, shoulders slumping as he lowered his gaze in a mix of shame and hopeless regret, breaking eye contact.

“Forget it, Jim. It’s… you’re right. You did nothing wrong.”

He wasn’t even angry, not really. Well, he was angry, just – not with Jim. Never with Jim. Jim who was his friend first and foremost, the best friend he ever had, steadfast and loyal through anything and everything that the past years had thrown at them. Jim who could have died so many times, _would_ have died after that disastrous away mission, quietly and uselessly and far too young, but didn’t somehow, because of some fucking _miracle_ that Leonard had had nothing to do with. Jim who didn’t deserve any of this, didn’t deserve Leonard going off at him, didn’t deserve a friend that lied to him like he did. Jim who he had gone and fallen in fucking _love_ with, for crying out loud, without even realizing it before it was already too late and against every better judgement, and now he was too far gone and he couldn’t-

He didn’t realize he had spoken some of his tumbling thoughts aloud until he felt Jim pulling him into a rough embrace, both arms coming up around his shoulders, the soothing cadence of his low voice audible even over the harshness of his own breaths and the roaring in his ears.

“Hey. _Hey_. It’s okay, Bones… I’m alive, I’m fine, I’m right here-”

For a moment Leonard let himself be weak, leaning into Jim’s familiar shape and drawing whatever comfort he could from it. Then he drew back and forced himself to meet Jim’s eyes, fully expecting to find them filled with pity or anger or disappointment or some horrible mix of the three.

What he found instead took his breath away.

Jim was looking at him with eyes that were icy clear and deep and full of perfect luminescent wonder, eyes that sparkled and shone with an honest vulnerability that was rarer than the most precious metals. His face was lit up with a strange kind of fierce joy that was almost defiant in its vibrancy, wild in its complete and utter sincerity. His smile was softer and sweeter and more real than Leonard had ever seen it.

And that’s when he knew.

_They were both colossal idiots._

“Dammit, Jim,” he breathed, and his voice came out strangled and hoarse and wrong, half gone and half a sob, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. For once in his life, Leonard didn’t worry or freak out or overthink. He just reached out and yanked Jim close and finally, finally crashed their lips together.

The kiss was honey-sweet and almost too soft and a little teary and totally, utterly perfect. It eventually ended when the need for air became a pressing concern and they had to break apart to take a breath. For an endless moment they just smiled dopily at each other like the complete morons they apparently were.

Then Leonard licked his bottom lip, a nervous habit left over from his childhood, and Jim’s darkening gaze traced the tip of his tongue almost reflexively before flicking back up to his eyes. Leonard swallowed heavily against his suddenly dry mouth, the smouldering fire in his gut flaring up uncontrollably. He shifted infinitesimally closer, noting absently the way Jim’s lips parted ever so slightly as he leaned in, the buzzing under his skin abruptly intensifying and taking on an entirely different quality.

It was like someone had flicked a switch.

Suddenly nothing in the world was more important than shedding the layers of clothing that separated them and getting to gloriously hot, smooth skin underneath, minds blessedly clear but for the steadily building thrum of unrestrained, all-consuming desire. Jim groaned as Leonard skimmed his fingers along the strong lines of his shoulders, whined high in his throat at the feel of a skilled tongue against his own, breathed something indistinct and needy and dark into the curve of Leonard’s neck. Every responsive noise Jim made sent a delicious thrill through Leonard, electrified him from the top of his head all the way down to his toes, invigorating him and spurring him on.

“Jim, Jim, _fuck_ , I- _fuck,_ ” Leonard panted out, unable to concentrate on forming sentences with the way his blood flow was currently being redirected south, a nearly desperate edge to his breaking voice, but luckily Jim seemed to understand what he couldn’t say. Chuckling rather breathlessly, he drew Leonard in until their naked bodies were flush together, the sudden contact making them both gasp and hiss in pleasure.

Jim kissed him again, hungry for it, positively ravenous, flicking his tongue in a way that momentarily made Leonard lose all solid ground under his feet. He moaned deeply into the kiss, burying one of his hands in the short golden hair at the base of Jim’s neck while the other wandered freely and aimlessly, mapping out as much bare skin as it could reach. After what could have been minutes or hours or days, Jim broke the kiss and touched his forehead to Leonard’s, staying so close they breathed the same air. Up this close, his eyes smouldered unbelievably blue and fever bright, the predatory gleam in them making something in Leonard’s gut seize tight in delighted anticipation. Then Jim was leaning in, briefly and filthily licking his way into Leonard’s mouth and causing every single one of his brain processes to short-circuit, before veering off course again with a wicked grin. Using his lips and tongue and – _goddammit_ – teeth, he started tracing a burning wet path from the shell of Leonard’s ear via his jaw all the way down to his chest and back up again.

Leonard’s head fell back against the bare wall of his quarters as he whimpered under his breath, eyes closing tight against the sudden sensory onslaught. He was completely lost, endlessly adrift in a rolling ocean of sensation, revelling in the sheer force and restless energy and blessed warmth of it all. It took him a while to realize Jim was speaking between kisses, quick and frantic and desperate, voice pitched so low it was hard to make out. “ _Bones Bones Bones Bones_ -” Jim gasped out the words between broken moans of his own, his tone awed and hushed and nearly disbelieving, befitting of a secret, a litany, a prayer. “Waited so _fucking_ long-” His back arched and he let out a guttural groan as Leonard brushed over one of his raised nipples and flicked it lightly, experimentally. “Wanted it for years-” Jim’s voice broke on a dry sob, breathing harsh and uneven as his other nipple received the same treatment. He was reaching out blindly, nearly quivering with want as Leonard’s hands ghosted over his back.

Words were completely beyond him for the moment, so Leonard just pulled Jim close and kissed him again, open-mouthed and sloppy and desperately necessary. Jim melted into the kiss with a shaky sigh, making no move to pull away even while the evidence of his arousal strained clear and hot against Leonard’s thigh. Leonard allowed them to linger like this for a little while longer, joined together in the eye of the hurricane until the need to breathe forced them apart. Then Jim smoothed a hand down Leonard’s back, coming to rest on the swell of his ass almost possessively, and Leonard cursed as a hot spike of pure need coursed through him and split him sharply down the middle. He was so hard it was almost physically painful now, his breath coming in panting, heaving gasps, and he couldn’t resist any longer.

“Bed,” He managed to rasp out, voice hoarse and husky as he started to walk Jim backwards. Jim went willingly, uncharacteristically allowing himself to be steered. When his knees hit the bed Jim fell back easily, pulling Leonard down with him and spreading his legs to give him space to settle, trying to manhandle them both into a reclining position. But Leonard had other ideas. He kneeled back and loomed over Jim, keeping perfectly still and withholding his touch only through a supreme effort of will, the sight of Jim writhing and moaning on his bed nearly enough to send him over the edge untouched.

Jim looked gorgeous like this, sprawled out and thrumming with need, flushed and sweaty and clutching at the sheets. Leonard let his gaze crawl slowly up Jim’s perfectly toned body, lingering on the tiny freckles dusting his pale skin like starbursts, the way his lean limbs were laid out just for him, fire in his eyes and gospel in his heart. When he had finally looked his fill, Leonard met Jim’s increasingly frantic eyes and grinned, slow and sweet and dangerous, watching Jim’s dry gulp with a kind of lazy satisfaction before moving to straddle his hips.

They both grunted brokenly as their cocks finally brushed together, hot and slick and inviting, dragging perfectly against each other. Leonard had to close his eyes tight for a moment, focusing on breathing evenly through his nose as he fought for control. If he wasn’t careful, this would all be over embarrassingly quickly – an unacceptable outcome when he finally had Jim right where he wanted him, strung-out and panting beneath him.

Jim brought a hand up to palm at their cocks, eager and demanding and almost clumsy with need, and Leonard let out a keening sound that would have mortified the hell out of him if he’d had enough brain function left to care about anything other than Jim, _Jim,_ finally here, finally touching him, reaching out to him, _wanting_ him-

Leonard thrust down once, almost involuntarily, meeting Jim halfway in desperate pursuit of friction, and the rush of sensation made his toes curl and the breath hitch in his throat. It was too much, too soon, and he could feel his orgasm building fast and strong, nearing the point of no return with alarming speed. He needed a change of pace, and he needed it _now_.

Leonard swung his leg back and lifted himself out of Jim’s lap, the resulting low whine of disappointment like lightning down his spine, switching position so that he was crouching between Jim’s legs. From this position, he had a perfect view of Jim’s cock as it curved against his stomach, long and pale and beautifully flushed, leaking precome steadily. Leonard had to stifle a groan at the sight, glancing up at Jim’s face to find him looking back intently, eyes wide and bright and impossibly dark. As Leonard slowly leaned forward, Jim let out a ragged sigh but didn’t look away.

Heartrate picking up at the close scrutiny, Leonard bent to lick a long wet stripe across Jim’s right hipbone, then did the same to his left. Jim’s cock jumped and he let out a breathy groan that was maybe his name or maybe not, and Leonard smiled as he nuzzled Jim’s thigh, forcing himself not to rush it. The scent was amazing, heady and musky and deliciously _Jim_ , and Leonard’s mouth watered at the mere thought of Jim’s heavy weight on his tongue-

_Focus, Leonard. Steady now._

He gave Jim his full attention, licking and sucking and breathing him in, hands and lips and tongue roaming everywhere but where they were wanted most. When Jim started whimpering in needy frustration, sheets bunching tight in his clenched fists, Leonard finally took pity on him. Wrapping one hand firmly around the base of Jim’s cock, his grip too dry and almost rough, he pumped once and then held still, waiting until Jim met his gaze.

Hungry blue eyes found his, and Leonard swallowed thickly against a new surge of desire threatening to overpower him. He slowly leaned down and dragged his tongue across his bottom lip, delighting in the way Jim’s hooded gaze darkened even further at the sight. Then Leonard wrapped his mouth around Jim’s cock and Jim bit off a harsh curse, hips jerking up reflexively into the warm, wet heat before he could force himself to stay down.

Leonard circled the head of Jim’s cock, teasingly, once, twice, gathering up the pearly drops of precome beading at the tip, the salty tang overwhelming his senses in the best possible way. Jim closed his eyes with a sigh, dark eyelashes trembling over his cheekbones and head lolling back against the pillows, suddenly boneless.

It was even better than he had imagined, Leonard thought to himself as he traced the sensitive vein on the underside of Jim’s cock and listened to his garbled praise, equal parts cursing and rapture. He bobbed his head as he took Jim in further and further, using his free hand to gently cup Jim’s balls, the velvety weight on his tongue a reward all of its own. Jim’s hands found his hair and stayed there, not pushing or pulling but… resting, cradling his head almost protectively.

It was a surprise, to say the least, Jim being this gentle with him. After all, his reputation as Starfleet’s Resident Playboy preceded him, and on the few occasions Leonard had allowed himself to think about it, he had imagined Jim to be a whirlwind in bed, as demanding and fiery and overconfident as he was in every other aspect of his life. Leonard hadn’t expected Jim to be selfish or inconsiderate, not exactly, but… restless, flashy, unstoppable, shockingly bold, definitely.

Only he wasn’t. At all.

Quite the opposite, in fact.

Of course there were bright flashes of mischief and plenty of enthusiasm and initiative, thank God or something would have been _wrong_ , but overall Jim was… calm. Serious. Attentive. _Loving_ , a tiny voice in the back of Leonard’s mind supplied helpfully, and he suppressed a shiver as the truth of that hit home, too monumental to handle right now – but there nonetheless.

_Later. He would focus on that later._

Judging from the nearly uncontrollable juddering of Jim’s hips and the way his voice was breaking up in hitching gasps and keening moans, he was getting close. Giving the head one last, searing hot swirl, Leonard pulled off with a wet pop. “Look at me, Jim,” he said, voice low and gravelly and achingly tender. Jim’s eyes flashed open, wild and almost panicked with need, but unerringly zeroing in on him. “This is real,” Leonard just said, registering the flash of honest emotion on Jim’s face before leaning in and swallowing him down, relaxing his throat around the stretch of Jim’s cock and humming low and deep.

Jim came with a shout, drawn-out and hoarse, back arching and hips jerking helplessly into the tight wet heat of Leonard’s throat working around him. His orgasm seemed to go on forever, endless and liberating and perfect, but eventually Jim slumped back against the pillows, sated and blissed-out. When Leonard gently let go of Jim’s softening cock and looked up, the faint trace of a smile on Jim’s slack face was possibly the most awe-inspiring thing he had ever witnessed.

After a moment Jim came back to himself with a sigh, stirring feebly before reaching down and grasping Leonard’s shoulder. Leonard let himself be drawn up, settling easily along Jim’s side and listening to the soothing sound of his slow breathing. The constant low hum of his arousal had moved into the background for now, idling bright and warm at the base of his spine. He didn’t spare it any thought – at least until he became aware of Jim moving his wandering hand low and lower still, brushing teasingly over his weeping cock before deftly wrapping his fingers around it, Leonard’s choked cry at the friction eliciting a rather smug smirk.

Using his free hand to tilt Leonard’s head up, Jim brought them together in a kiss, languid and tender yet full of insistent promise, sighing softly into Leonard’s mouth as he chased his own taste. His other hand was working enthusiastically, rubbing and sliding and twisting in increasingly wonderful ways. Jim deepened the kiss as Leonard rocked into his hand, sliding his thumb skilfully across the slit of his cock and swallowing his grunt with a smile.

Eventually Jim stilled his hand and broke the kiss, brushing his tongue across the seam of Leonard’s swollen lips one last time before leaning away and asking, “Do you want to fuck me?” He sounded breathless and hopeful and utterly wrecked, and the helpless sound Leonard made in the back of his throat was already answer enough. His raspy heartfelt “God- _yes_ ,” still brought a radiant smile to Jim’s face, though.

Pressing a lingering kiss to the upturned corner of Jim’s mouth, Leonard twisted out of his grip to fumble around his bedside drawer for the lube, trying not to get side-tracked by the fingers idly trailing down his calf. Tossing the small tube onto the bed next to the pillows, he scrambled back and rested his weight on his elbow as he leaned over Jim, moving in to nip lightly at his plump bottom lip before moving on to worship his neck.

Leonard could feel Jim’s thundering pulse through the warmth of his smooth skin, fast and strong and tangibly real, and a sudden primal need to claim and to _mark_ unexpectedly overwhelmed him. He sucked a purpling bruise near the junction of Jim’s neck and shoulder and soothed the burn with his tongue, gripping the base of his cock with one hand to stave off his orgasm when Jim moaned loudly and wantonly, eyes screwed tightly shut.

As he searched blindly for the discarded lube, Leonard moved his focus steadily lower, dragging open-mouthed kisses across Jim’s heaving chest and running clever fingers down his sides. Jim kept up a steady chant of mingled expletives and encouragement, voice breaking spectacularly as Leonard reached his groin and licked a broad stripe down his cock. Jim was half-hard again already, and searching for friction with growing desperation. When Leonard located the lube and popped the cap with a dry click, Jim shivered visibly in anticipation, eyes flying open to watch Leonard coat his fingers with hungry, undisguised fascination.

“Ahh, Bones, come on come on come _onnn_ -” Jim finally urged, clumsy with hazy impatience as he reached to guide Leonard’s hand down to his crotch. Leonard just smirked, slow and in control. “Patience is a virtue, darlin’,” he drawled, noting the way Jim responded by whimpering and squirming helplessly, pupils dilating rapidly as Leonard’s Southern twang came out full force.

_Interesting._

There was no sense in delaying further, however, and Leonard knew it, surging up to draw Jim into a filthy kiss while trailing one of his hands down between Jim’s parted legs. Jim pulled up one of his knees and rolled his hips once in blatant invitation, mouth falling open as one of Leonard’s fingers started rubbing slow deliberate circles across his perineum, his other hand coming down to softly cup his balls.

When Leonard slipped his finger inside and past the first ring of muscle, Jim grunted and clenched around him, a little frown of concentration appearing on his face as he fought to relax. Leonard kept still and waited for Jim to breathe and adjust to the breach, stroking Jim’s thighs as a faint rosy flush spread from his face all the way down to his chest. Finally Jim exhaled shakily and nodded once, determined, and Leonard could feel him relax. “Been a while for you?” he asked, watching Jim’s face closely for signs of discomfort as he crooked his finger experimentally. Jim nodded again, shuddering and breath rushing out in a whoosh as Leonard found what he was looking for.

“I’ve got you, Jim,” Leonard promised, voice deep and serious, and it felt like a vow, felt like forever – maybe it was, because Jim looked down at him and smiled, his heart clear and full in his eyes, “Always do, Bones,” and it was hardly more than a whisper but it felt a lot like love.

Eventually the tide swept them under again, and Jim started moving his hips arithmetically, needing more. He whined high in his throat as Leonard slipped in a second slick finger alongside the first, stretching and rubbing and occasionally brushing across his prostate. Jim’s breath came high and fast and strained, and Leonard pressed tiny nipping kisses everywhere he could reach as he waited for the tension to ease. When it did and the slide became smooth and easy, he dribbled more lube onto his fingers and pressed in a third, swearing under his breath as he felt tight heat drawing him in further. Jim actually chuckled at that, dry and breathless, and made a conscious effort to bear down hard on Leonard’s fingers, huffing out a laugh at the strangled whine he elicited.

Leonard retaliated by stroking firmly across his prostate, once, twice, three times, four. His precision was relentless and unyielding, and by the time he reached five Jim was half-sobbing half-panting beneath him, shaking apart, eyes glazed and wide and crystal clear. He was fully hard again, cock resting against his quivering stomach and flushed an angry red, and Leonard couldn’t resist bending his head and pressing a kiss to the tip. Jim arched up with a snarl before slamming down hard on Leonard’s fingers, moaning around a curse as he grabbed urgently at Leonard’s arm.

“Pl- _ah, Bones-_ please, _fuck-_ ” it was a plea and a command at once, and Leonard grinned to himself as he recognized the hard edge of Jim’s Captain’s voice bleeding through the thick clouds of arousal. “You ready?” he asked, both to be completely sure and to hear that gorgeously wrecked voice again. He wasn’t disappointed. “ _Yes_ dammit, yes do it now now _now_ -” Jim gasped out, and Leonard quickly withdrew his fingers and slicked up his cock, revelling silently in Jim’s breathy whimpers at the loss.

Leonard pressed a hand against the back of Jim’s knee as he lined himself up, the blunt pressure of his cock nudging against Jim’s entrance making them both growl. Then Leonard slowly and carefully guided himself inside, inch by controlled inch, the hot clinging drag of clenching muscles around his cock almost too much to bear. He was breathing hard when he finally bottomed out, vision blurring around the edges and balls snug against Jim’s ass.

For an endless moment he kept perfectly still, burying his face in Jim’s neck with a choked moan as he balanced precariously on the brink of orgasm, Jim’s arms coming up around him and firmly holding him together. Seconds passed as both of them slowly adjusted. Then Jim rolled his hips, a tiny experimental movement, and Leonard hissed sharply between his teeth but didn’t come undone. So when Jim wrapped his strong legs around Leonard’s torso and silently urged him to move, Leonard complied.

Leonard set a punishing pace, brutal and thorough, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back home, alternately speeding up and slowing down, and Jim made an appreciative humming sound that turned to a full-blown _shout_ as Leonard’s cock angled across his prostate just _right_. Leonard repeated the movement, and again, again, again, mesmerized by the open play of emotion across Jim’s face, wild joy and disbelief and desire and something undefined and vulnerable and golden that Leonard recognized instinctively-

There was no way he would last. His release had been denied for far too long already, and surrounded as he was by tightness and pressure and heat and _Jim_ clenching around him, he was surprised he’d managed to hold off even this long. With one hand tangled in the hair at Jim’s nape, he reached the other between their heaving bodies to wrap around Jim’s neglected cock. Jim cried out as he tried to buck up and grind down simultaneously, letting go of Leonard’s shoulder to grab a hold of his wrist as it worked feverishly between them.

“Come on, Bones, _ahh-_ ” he panted, throwing his head back with a groan as Leonard executed a particularly sharp twist of his wrist, tendons standing out in the long line of his neck, “Come for me.” It was an order, clear and sharp and electrifying, and Leonard was helpless to do anything but comply. He drove in deep one last time, buried himself in Jim’s ass as far as he would go, then stiffened and let go as his orgasm finally overtook him. He was vaguely aware of Jim following him over the edge, cock pulsing hot and wet across his hand as Leonard’s vision whited out.

It seemed like a long time before Leonard could finally convince himself to open his eyes, panting breaths calming and gradually evening out, the dull roar of his thundering pulse quieting into the background, too drained and warm and goddamn _content_ to move a muscle. Warmth bloomed in his chest, welcome and solid and terrifyingly real, as he listened to the soothing sound of Jim’s quiet breathing beneath him. He pressed a kiss to Jim’s collarbone without moving his head, and his answering low chuckle was like a bright beacon of light.

Eventually Jim huffed out a soft laugh and patted lightly at his arm, warm amusement clear in his voice as he pointed out conversationally, “You do know you’re not actually as feather light as you seem to think you are, right Bones?” Leonard just managed a grunt in reply but took the hint and shifted away, reluctantly pulling out of Jim’s tight warmth and rolling off to the side.

Jim folded himself around him immediately and without hesitation, splaying a large hand on Leonard’s chest and pressing a lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth. Leonard sighed shakily into the kiss, something small and anxious and unsure within him finally easing. He opened his eyes to find Jim already looking at him, cerulean eyes wide and calm and clear like the sea after a storm, and Leonard couldn’t resist pulling him into another soft kiss. Jim melted into it with a trembling sigh of wholehearted approval, and Leonard’s heart swelled with a fiercely fragile joy. For the next minutes they just exchanged lazy, meandering kisses and soft, fluttering touches, not building up to anything but unwilling to let go, both of them radiating steady, bone-deep satisfaction.

_Fucking finally._

 

* * *

 

Leonard wasn’t sure when exactly they had fallen asleep, but he awoke with a start in the middle of the ship’s night, instantly alert and on edge, his heartrate stumblingly picking up speed. At first he didn’t know what it was that had woken him, but as his eyes adjusted to the dark of his quarters and the events of the previous evening came rushing back in, loud and colourful and larger-than-life, he realized his bed was empty and cold. He was alone. Jim was gone – Jim had _left_ , in the dead of night and without saying goodbye – and for a timeless moment the sickening flash of blind panic sweeping through Leonard was quicker and louder than his attempts to rationalize Jim’s absence.

Fortunately, the door to his adjoining bathroom silently slid open before Leonard could work himself into a complete frenzy and Jim stepped through, his solid figure backlit dramatically by the automatic lights before the room was plunged back into darkness. Jim padded over to the bed silently, carefully, obviously thinking Leonard asleep and trying not to disturb him. He was holding something Leonard couldn’t make out in the dark, and the first cool brush of a damp washcloth on his skin startled a hitching gasp out of him, blowing his cover rather effectively. Jim chuckled softly as he continued his work with thorough dedication, bending down intermittently to brush a row of apology kisses into Leonard’s skin, and Leonard suppressed a groan as he leaned back and let him.

When Jim was done cleaning them both up, he tossed the washcloth carelessly in the direction of the laundry chute and slipped back in behind Leonard, bed dipping under his weight as he plastered himself snugly to Leonard’s back and sighed happily. “Back to sleep, Bones,” Jim murmured softly into his hair, voice low and thick with sleep as he draped an arm over Leonard’s waist and pressed a lopsided kiss to the back of his neck. Leonard didn’t reply verbally, just grasped Jim’s hand and laced their fingers together before closing his eyes with a smile. He couldn’t believe how disgustingly sappy this whole mess probably made him look, but he didn’t think he had felt this utterly at peace with the world in… well. Ever, really.

They slept.

 

* * *

 

They were good together. Really, really good. Compatible. They _worked_ , and maybe that shouldn’t have surprised Leonard as much as it did. After all, they had been friends long before they had become… this, whatever they were now – lovers, boyfriends, life partners, whichever – Leonard didn’t have a name for it, didn’t believe in weddings and tradition and ‘till death do us part’ as he once had, but he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what they were.

Solid.

Unbreakable.

Forever.

There were no rings, no ministers or grandiose speeches, no tearful vows exchanged, but none of that mattered. They made their own promises in the single breath before each kiss, agreed on them with every touch, renewed them with a look, confirmed and celebrated them each time they had sex. The honest truth of it was etched into their skin, scribbled countless times across their hearts, rushing joyfully and endlessly through their veins.

It was enough.

Other than that, life went on as normal. Leonard still bitched and groused and rolled his eyes, and Jim grinned and countered and got right under his skin, vibrant and defiant and loyal as always. Jim still schemed and fought and bled selflessly to protect what he considered his – his ship, his people, his _family_ –, and Leonard patched him up and held him together and picked up the pieces when he fell apart, steadfast and determined and reassuring. Their trust in each other was endless and wordless and still growing stronger, and their love was flourishing with it.

Their five year mission went on.

And so did they.

Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I really hope you enjoyed! Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> You can also find me on [tumblr](http://www.dustbottle.tumblr.com), come and say hi!
> 
> (Also, there are no condoms used in this story. I assumed that since the story takes place several centuries into the future, and Bones is Jim's CMO and therefore knows he is clean, the risk of STD-transmission can be considered negligible. HOWEVER, there are no such excuses in real life. Stay safe, folks - use a condom!)


End file.
